Eleanor's Birth Story

Eleanor Rose Riggers Born May 5th, 2017

To fully appreciate Ellie's birth story, we really need to start the evening before.

We were now 40 weeks, 4 days, and although I was feeling really good - I was ready to meet our baby girl.

Business went along as normal until we had our (bi-weekly) chiropractor appointment.  (If you aren't seeing a chiropractor and massage therapist at 40+4, God bless you).

Picture taken 5/4/17 at my last chiropractor appointment.

Now, she mentioned it might get things moving, but I didn't realize she meant before I even got home 😅.

Instead, I headed to my favorite store and did some laps, while your father, was a good hour and forty-five minutes away with some friends - not. working. (Important detail to note for later).

On the way home and before walked in the door, I started to feel faint contractions.

So I texted your dad, hey, you should be making your way home.  This was around 7.
7:30 - texted him again. Time to be leaving.
7:45 - looks like.you aren't on the road yet....
8:15 - very angry phone call I won't include the transcript to (I think he then thought I was going into labor right then and there).  He made it home in record time.

To which I promptly said - Okay!  Now I'm going to bed.  Because that's what all my birthing books said to do 🤣.  He was super annoyed and so he planned now to work in Kentucky on Friday, as usual, the next day.

I slept through, I'm assuming, the contractions for the rest of the night until around 5am.  Then things got interesting.

All the books had said to wait for your contractions to follow the 5-1-1 rule. Contractions should be less than five minutes apart, last about 45-60 seconds, and stay consistent over an hour.

Well.  I started timing things and my contractions were about 2 minutes apart, lasted between 30-40 seconds, and so I began to wait to see how long they'd stay consistent.

That was the pace for the rest of the day.

So I texted my parents (who didn't think this newbie mom knew much because they waited to leave for quite some time), my Doula (get one), and called the midwife on call to see what she thought around 7.  Lindsay (my Doula) and the midwife both said I was talking to easily to be ready, and that "I'd know." Would I though?  Would I???

Now I already had an appointment set up for Friday morning so next, I called to see if I should still go, sure thing they said!

So into the car we went, and that is the worst...the sitting in the car.  At the. Monsters test they were able to say that everything was going well, contractions had stayed consistent, about 1-2 mi Utes apart, lasting for about 30-60 seconds.  They left it up to me if I should go home or headed to the birthing center.

Lindsay said it still sounded like I was talking okay, she recommended I head home. 45 more minutes in a car.

When I got home, I took a shower, then went to lay down, John at this point felt it was important to eat the leftover tacos and I was more than a little annoyed at the smell and just him.in general 😅🤣.

I maybe had been laying down for 2 minutes when I knew it was time to go.

30 more minutes in the car.  (Should have been closer to 45 😉).  I got checked in, John got in trouble for leaving our car in the fire lane, annnnnd at this point I was having trouble keeping my eyes open.  They took me up a secret magical elevator that landed me right by my room while John parked the car.  It was now around 1-1:30.

Side note: Up until this point I had opted not to get checked.  I figured it would matter anyway 😉.

The midwife came in not long after and checked me at this point, she said I went from 2 to 6 cm while she was checking 🙀.  The nurses got my bath started and soon I was in the birthing tub.

John and Lindsay got there soon after!  Lindsay got the music going and was wonderful!  We were both so glad to have her there!

Around three, the midwife checked me again, I was now 9 cm dilated and she said to let her know when I was ready to start pushing and she'd come back- to which I quickly said not to leave because I already did!

My water broke during the pushing, But I had no idea at this point how close I was to meeting our baby girl!  I nearly gave up at this point, couldn't do it, she was staying in there for forever.  Instead, they had me reach down and I could feel her head!  I had no idea she was down that far and I also felt like I was smoothing her brain which made me really motivated together her out!

Two more big contractions and on the third push her head was.out - she had the cord wrapped around her neck three times, so I had to pause, but they got her all situated and then out she came.  It was now 3:40pm.

I had two first degree tears (probably from rushing to not squish her brain) that were stitched up after I delivered the placenta.  Easily was the worst part.  Whatever they've told you about not noticing once you're holding your baby - I'm just saying, that's a big fat lie.

My parents and brother arrived around 11 to welcome their granddaughter and niece!  And we officially named her Eleanor Rose, born at 21" and 8 lbs. 9oz.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=11KVBirwNrcWCYioq1O3kV_BSfCaghix7

Today we celebrate her first birthday!  What a year it has been!  We cannot wait for the next to see what's to come!

Our Story of Loss

October is my favorite month.  Mostly since my birthday, the changing of the seasons, the leaves, pumpkins, apples, and sweat pants and sweat shirts all make their appearance this time of year...what's not to love?  

The past few years though, I have begun to notice that October is also known as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  It seemed like more and more of my friends are speaking out in remembrance of their losses, it's heartbreaking, but unless you've experienced this type of loss, I think it's very hard to identify with it.

When I miscarried last year I then understood that pain all too well, I did a lot of reading online from other Mommies that had gone through similar experiences.  It was some of the most painful reading, but also some of the most healing reading I've ever done.  I knew someday, I would sit down and write this.  I have so much to say...to share.  I hope this helps someone the way those blogs helped me, I hope it helps people to realize that everyone is going through a battle and to be kind, and gentle, and loving to those you meet, because you don't know...you just don't know.

**Warning, this blog contains some details they may trigger some readers**

Very soon after John and I were married, we talked seriously about when we wanted to expand our family.  We'd already been together for 10 years at this point, knew we wanted a large family, and felt that we were in a good place to start trying about a year after the "I do's."  Now, when you'd been dating as long as we had...let's be honest now folks....you had been trying for a very long time not to get pregnant.  We were experts.  I was also convinced that getting pregnant would be super easy.  After several months of trying though...still no positive tests and I realized how ridiculous my fears of spontaneously conceiving had been for all those years.

In June, my period took a month off, I excitedly took another test, which was also negative.  I didn't think much of the missed period at that time, and we kept trying.  In August it happened again, I was so convinced that I wasn't pregnant, that I didn't even bother with a test.  Until, we were on a way to a wedding in October and I got to thinking, Well shoot, what if I am and I celebrate with a drink or two?  Wouldn't that be my luck?  So at midnight, in my old college town's Walmart bathroom (I found this amazingly ironic), John and I found out that I was, in fact, pregnant.  Walmart bathroom, gross you say?  Class you say? Perhaps, but I actually thought it was hilarious and we were overjoyed.  After doing some quick math, I realized I was 8 weeks along.

Since we lived about 8 hours away from our parents, we decided to tell them before we left that weekend, we were all so excited and back home we went for me to completely over-prepare for our new arrival.

I went to the library and picked up every-single-pregnancy/parenting/new-daddy book I could get my hands on.  I made an appointment with a very well known and respected midwife (yes, I said midwife, we will get to more on that in a bit).  I switched from my ovulation app to my pregnancy app (my baby was the size of a wild strawberry!).  

The next day at work, I felt a little nauseous and my boobs needed ice packs--yay, pregnancy symptoms!  I excitedly snapped a picture of my saltines and Ginger Ale and sent it to my closest girlfriends!  The next day I started spotting.  

I Googled, and I Googled.  Brown spotting is ok, that means old blood (and I'd been missing periods so I though, okay, maybe I had a little extra in there)  Pink spotting is ok, that means new blood--you're growing a tiny human, they're going to pop some blood vessels.  Brown spotting is bad, pink spotting is bad.  A lot of spotting is bad, a lot of spotting is totally normal.  A little spotting is totally fine, a little spotting could be an early indicator of trouble to come....You can drive yourself crazy with all of the conflicting information.

Off to my first midwife appointment I went, I expressed my concerns, and she got me an appointment for an ultrasound.  I was 11 weeks when they were finally able to see me, I spotted every day, not a ton--enough for a light day two times a day...but my pregnancy symptoms were gone and I didn't pick up those baby books I'd so enthusiastically tracked down a week before.

Some part of me knew, but I didn't want to speak it out loud, the story of the Shunamite woman from the Bible played in my head a lot while I waited for that appointment.  

Side note.  At this time, John was working for an Ohio gas and oil company that, like all the gas and oil companies in the area, were running low on work, funds, and had too many employees.  Weeks...months before, he was working 100 hour weeks, had bonuses coming from all directions, and I only had to work part-time (and even that wasn't completely necessary).  By the time we realized that things weren't looking good, his hours had been cut, people were being laid off left and right...and we realized my part-time job wasn't going to cut it anymore.  Plus, nannying and adding your own kiddos into the mix wasn't something I wanted to juggle that spring so I needed something new, and I needed it fast.

A few weeks after I completed getting my PA teaching licenses updated so I could teach in Ohio, I found the perfect job.  An online school was hiring English teachers.  I would be able to work from home, teach, be near my children, and I was over the moon.  

On October 22nd, I headed off to my first ultrasound.  John was supposed to meet me there, but his boss needed him to stay, and with the future of his company so uncertain, there wasn't any room for negotiation.  

I waited what seemed like eons in that waiting room, surrounded by happy couples, and mommies with their adorable little baby bumps for him to walk in so we could do this together, but finally his text came that he wasn't able to make it.  I wish I just stayed in that room.  

When the nurse finally called me back, we got down to business and since I was closer to 11 weeks at this point, she tried an external ultrasound first.  With no success, she said not to worry, I might not be as far along as I thought and we'd try an internal, she also was going to bring in the doctor.  She left the room while I got ready. 

I already knew.

When the doctor came back, they were able to find the anembryonic sac, but there was no yolk.  Our baby had stopped developing at six weeks, without a yolk it could not develop further than that.  I was kindly and gently told that it wasn't anything I had done, or not done, but that this is very common and that 1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage, especially their first pregnancy.  Not to worry though, it wasn't likely to happen again and at least our swimmer swam and my eggs knew where to go.  I know this was meant to be helpful, but not having a reason really upset me.  (More on that later.)

The whole staff was very concerned about me being there alone (my I please stress the importance of not going to this type of appointment alone, ever).  I walked in a daze back to my car.  As soon as I closed the door I finally allowed myself to cry.  Cry isn't really the right word.  Sob.  Those heaving gut-wrenching sobs that leave you with an instant headache.  I sat there for a few minutes, I finally was able to call John and tell him.  I drove home with what can only be described as autopilot skills from years of driving practice.  I blasted Christian music and while I can't remember the names of the songs, when I hear them I'm taken back to that awful car ride.  I spent the rest of the day in bed.

My midwife called me the next day, we talked about my options.  She explained that the bleeding I'd been experiencing was most likely my body trying to miscarry, unsuccessfully for now nearly six weeks.  She was very concerned that since my body was having so much trouble miscarrying naturally that I was at high risk for hemorrhaging, she felt that the sac must be embedded very deeply in my uterine wall for it to be taking this long.  She said I could wait and see, or, we could schedule a D & C (Dilation and curettage (D&C) is a procedure to remove tissue from inside your uterus. Doctors perform dilation and curettage to diagnose and treat certain uterine conditions — such as heavy bleeding — or to clear the uterine lining after a miscarriage (Mayo Clinic).  

After thinking it over, I opted to schedule the D & C, the earliest they could get me in was the following Friday.  

I started my new job the next morning, on October 23rd, I walked into the office knowing that at any moment, I could potentially have a miscarriage.  I happily welcomed the distraction of work in the meantime, and after orientation I decided now would be a great time to take a few grad classes, something I'd been putting off until I started working for a school district again.  I applied to Penn State right away, filling out applications and slowly called and updated friends and family about our sad news.  

The next week I thankfully started working from home.  I watched all the training videos, started getting to know my peers, from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed I stayed very busy.  I walked our two puppies (at the time were were around 7 and 8 months old and quite the handful).  I did a lot of reading.  What had other people chosen?  Was the D & C the right choice?  I read, and read, and read.  I did not cry.  I anxiously awaited Friday morning, so I could finally have some closure.  So I could finally grieve.  Because even though I knew...I knew that nothing could make this baby inside me be okay, some silly part of me was holding onto a nonexistence thread of hope. 

Throughout the week the bleeding had picked up.  Instead of light days, I was now wearing what can only be described as adult diapers, changing them several times a day but never so much that I felt the need to go to the hospital.  

Then, on Thursday evening, as I stood up from the couch I felt what can only be described as a gushing sensation and then something drop.  I will never forget that feeling.  I looked at John and I told him that I needed him to come upstairs with me.  I quickly went to the bathroom and a large amount of tissue had come out.  This was all that we'd ever see of our first pregnancy.  And there really wasn't anything to see, just clots...nothing that resembled a baby.  I thought Oh, it's over!  That wasn't so bad...  I didn't cry.  I felt relieved, I wouldn't need the surgery, there was no doubt that that last tiny, dumb hope I'd felt was not happening...I could move on, heal, and we could try again.

Not long after though, the contractions started.  I'd read that some women have contractions when they miscarried.  I hadn't thought about the emotional pain that this caused though.  For the next five hours I sobbed as wave after wave of pain hit, pain that wouldn't result in me holding my healthy beautiful baby, no--these contractions were for nothing.  That was the greatest pain of all.  John stayed up with me the whole time, doing what he could to help me be comfortable.  He and I prayed more than night than I ever have before in my life, God also, never left our sides.    

The whole time I just kept saying how I refused to do this in a hospital.  For Heaven's sake, I wanted a home birth, and this felt so much more intimate than that...I lost track of how many times I had to get up and go to the bathroom to change my enormous pad, but finally around two in the morning, I fell asleep.

On October 30th, I called the doctor's office and asked if they felt I should still have the surgery that was scheduled for that day.  They said they couldn't know for sure if all of the tissue was out until they'd started.  I called my midwife next, she asked how I was feeling and I still felt crampy, she felt that was a good indication that not everything had come out on it's own, she recommended I continue with the D & C.  By the time we reached the hospital, it felt like the contractions were getting ready to start again and by the time I was finally taken back for surgery the pain had picked up to an uncomfortable level.  I signed the release form for the hospital to handle the "tissue," it is the only document I ever signed as someone's Mother, something I was completely unprepared for and was an emotional blow that I could not process.  I was then taken in a bright room filled with seemingly 20 people, to experience what can only we refereed to as one of the worst days and moments of my life.  

I have to say that the doctors, nurses, and staff and I interacted with during this whole process were amazing, and such a comfort, I was truly in the best hands.

When I woke up, I instantly felt the relief.  No cramping, in fact, I was able to recognize how hungry I was (when was the last time I ate?).  My doctor explained that the D & C had been a very good choice, there was still a lot of tissue that was she able to remove and that I should be feeling much better, with less bleeding very soon.  Compared to what I'd experienced that last few weeks, after we got home I had practically none.  

We stocked up on our favorite Chinese food and went home.  A few days later, I ordered a small figurine (one of the Willow Tree ones) to remember our baby.  While most of the people in my life had no idea what we'd gone through.  Life went on.

Some blog posts that I found very helpful during this time:

What to say to someone who's had a miscarriage 

I disagree with #2, but the rest are excellent, when in doubt, stick with #1.

What not to say to some who's had a miscarriage 

These all, are awful in fresh painful, guilty, gut-wrenching ways.  I cannot tell you how painful the reactions of some of the people I told were for me, if you aren't sure what to say, please stick with #1 from the above article.  

    

The Weight of it All

Am I the only one that recently has found it SO hard to focus on the things that they do right on any given day?  I don't know WHAT is going on but the struggle has been REAL lately [just ask my husband, the man is a saint].  


Its time to knock it off though.  Its been time.  

Its time to just LOVE yourself, imperfections and all. 

Todays victory is all about progress, not perfection.  Perfectionism is exhausting.  People pleasing is exhausting.  Let's all just #beourselves, eh?  Did I mention also, it's time to LOVE yourself?  Wherever you're at.

So today I'm CELEBRATING me!  Because for the last two years I've been STRUGGLING like a crazy person to get back to "where I was."  I'd day dream about our time living in Pittsburgh and how easy it seemed then to reach my goals!  That kind of mindset is seriously not helping anyone, especially myself.  [[Can you relate??]]  Feed yourself right.  Exercise.  Get outside.  Stop and [READ] an $#&@% book.  

For the last three weeks I've worked really hard to stay focused on the positives and it's paying off [[remember, progress not perfection this time]]...

And the Results Are In.
Down 6 lbs.  && \\more importantly//
Down 6.75 inches (3 of which were off my waist!)

I don't know if any of this struck a cord with you, but I know for myself--if I didn't have the amazing support that I do from my SIL [and that saint I mentioned earlier] I just don't know if I'd still be here trying [and not getting it perfect] and trying again! [and not getting it perfect again] [so ya know, trying it ONE MORE TIME!].  But you know what, I'd rather be the person trying again and again though than the person that just [stops] trying.  

Let me be real for a minute.  I was so EMBARRASSED of my failures that it was CRIPPLING.  Instead of putting myself out there, instead of sharing what was and wasn't working I SHUT DOWN.  I SHUT OUT. and gosh that's just not the way that things get better.  It's lonely my friends, its bone chillingly lonely.  [[How's that for honesty?]]  

"But Meg, isn't this just about...a little weight?" More on this another time.  Until then...

Please stop right there.  If you think, that weight...is simply about weight, then you're missing the point.  Please feel free to read something else because this post probably isn't for you.


Back to my point.

Have you stopped trying?  Are you struggling?  Gosh, please don't do it alone.  Reach out to someone [I'm here] and just start.  Start with walking in place while you watch TV [Fact: That's what I did.].  Start with getting a puppy and walk outside [puppies are awesome, get two].  Start with 10 sit ups.  10 squats.  Pick your amazing tiny human up a couple extra times.  But if you can't today, [I get that] then be okay with that too. [[Beating yourself up]] about it isn't going to help you find the energy tomorrow.  

Because remember that dress, those jeans, you know the ones that you've held onto because [[someday]] you're going to fit in them again.  Yeah, those ones.  

They are calling your name.

Let's stumble/fall/mess the $#&@% up/all the way to wearing them again.

Together.



#thiscoachisBACK

T25 vs. P90X3 a Battle with Two Winners

What?!  It's that time of year again?!  NEW YEAR, NEW GOALS, right?  




HALT!!  I need to stop you right there.  I have a challenge, and some of you aren't going to like it one little bit, but it's something you NEED to change if you're going to make 2014 different from years past.  

I’m telling you…I’m BEGGING YOU, to please SLOW DOWN and set TEENY TINY goals this year.  You heard me.  TEENY TINY ones.  Bite sized pieces if you will.  Why?  Because you can't climb a mountain in a day, you don't run a marathon the first time you lace up your sneakers, and you don't come into the world running.  So WHY do you think you’re going to go from sitting on the couch to running miles a day, spending hours in the gym, and never eating junk food EVER AGAIN, just because you flipped to the next page in your calendar? 

You NEED to do things step-by-step and day-by-day.  




So where should you start?  I suggest finding a workout that doesn’t make you change your current schedule too much (you’re able to stick with it!), get’s awesome results, and is something you’re going to look forward too (well, maybe after the second week, lol), has built in support, comes with a meal plan, and heck, this one even has thoes awesome dolla dolla bill give-a-ways if you submit your results.  Here are the two I’d recommend you look at ( pssssst.  They’re even on sale, January 2014 ONLY!)

Lately, all the buzz has been between Shaun T's Focus T25, and Tony Horton's P90X3.  So...let's dig a little deeper and see what all the fuss is about!

The P90X3 Challenge Pack

The Results

The Results

Summary: 

You save over $90 with this pack compared to buying each item separately.  Offer extended through January 31, 2014.

Get ripped in 30 minutes a day, using Tony Horton's breakthrough Muscle Acceleration system. Now you'll always have the time to work out—and you can burn fat and build lean muscle faster than ever.

Supplements (30-day supply): 

Your choice of Shakeology—Chocolate (vegan/regular), Vanilla, Greenberry, or Tropical Strawberry (vegan/regular)

Team Beachbody 30-Day Trial: Yes

Trainer: Tony Horton

Level: Advanced, Intermediate

Program: 90 days

Workout: 16 workouts plus 1 bonus workout

Workout Time: 30 minutes

Equipment Needed: 

Dumbbells or resistance bands, and a P90X® Chin-Up Bar or resistance bands with door attachment

Level: Advanced, Intermediate

Express 
Abs / Core 
Extreme Results
Cardio / Fat Burning

Video

The T25 Challenge Pack

The Results

The Facts

Summary: 

You save over $65 with this pack compared to buying each item separately.

Get an hour's results in 25 minutes a day! Trainer Shaun T gives you everything you need, nothing you don't. 25 minutes. 5 days a week. 100% results.

Supplements (30-day supply): 

Your choice of Shakeology–Vanilla, Chocolate (vegan/regular), Greenberry, or Tropical Strawberry (vegan/regular)

Team Beachbody 30-Day Trial: Yes

Trainer: Shaun T

Level: Intermediate or Advanced

Program: 10 Weeks

Workout: 11 workouts, plus 1 bonus workout

Workout Time: 25 minutes

Equipment Needed: 

Dumbbells or resistance bands (1 band included)

Level: Intermediate or Advanced

Express 
Abs / Core 
Extreme Results
Cardio / Fat Burning

Video

Click Here to See the Video

Whatever you decided to do, please know that you DON'T have to do it alone.  Friend me on Facebook or sign up for a Free Team Beachbody account to make ME your coach.  I can't wait to see what goals you accomplish this year!  Make 2014 AWESOME!!!

-Megan